JOKES~!!!

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?STUDENT: Seven.TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?STUDENT: Nine.TEACHER: That's impossible.STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.
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SUBSTITUTE TEACHER: Are you chewing gum?BILLY : No, I'm Billy Anderson.
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TEACHER: Didn't you promise to behave?STUDENT: Yes, Sir.TEACHER: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?STUDENT: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.
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TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?TOMMY : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
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HAROLD : Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?TEACHER : Of course not.HAROLD : Good, because I didn't do my homework.
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TEACHER: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.JOHN : I hope you didn't either.
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GARY : I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.TEACHER: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.
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MOTHER : Why did you get such a low mark on that test?JUNIOR : Because of absence.MOTHER : You mean you were absent on the day of the test?JUNIOR : No, but the kid who sits next to me was.
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SILVIA : Dad, can you write in the dark?FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?SYLVIA : Your name on this report card.
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TEACHER: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.FATHER : What's that?TEACHER: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
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TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
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HYGIENE TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?JOSE : Don't bite any.
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TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".ELLEN : I is...TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."ELLEN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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TEACHER: Max, use "defeat," "defense," and "detail" in a sentence.MAX : The rabbit cut across the field, and defeat went over defense before detail.
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MOTHER : Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?JUNIOR : You said it was my lunch money.
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TEACHER: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?SASHA : A new bike.
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TEACHER: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?VINCENT: One dollar.TEACHER: (sadly)You don't know your arithmetic.VINCENT: (sadly)You don't know my father
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TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
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BOY : Isn't the principal a dummy!GIRL: Say, do you know who I am?BOY : No.GIRL: I'm the principal's daughter.BOY : And do you know who I am?GIRL: No.BOY : Thank goodness!